Showing posts with label Lorraine. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Lorraine. Show all posts
Wednesday, June 2, 2010
Thursday, April 22, 2010
Following the Savior in Motherhood
Lorraine was generous enough to send me her notes. THANK YOU! I took the liberty interjecting my thoughts. They're in purple.
xoxox,
Carrie
Begin Email:
Carrie,
Here are the notes I took. Feel free to post whatever you want from them. I added some links to the talks and songs referenced, so it's a little long. Anything in brackets is what I wrote down during the meeting, but didn't say.
Lorraine
Giving children more opportunities to make decisions and use agency is Christlike. Other attributes mothers need are patience, kindness, healing, feeding. "Maybe I should write down what my children need." The Savior ministers to each of us individually, and our needs are his priority. We can separate our children's wants from needs. Sometimes we get what we want and sometimes we don't, but the Savior still gives us what we need.
[This reminded me of a song by Michael McLean: "All I ever wanted, all I ever dreamed of, everything I've hoped and all the things I've prayed for couldn't hold a candle to what I've been given. I've been given what I need."]
"Isn't it great that we have everything we need to be mothers, and that we are entitled to the Savior's help in our role."
"I'm thinking about what I used to do before kids as "my work." I need to change my point of view. God doesn't just respond when we cry out. He is aware of us and we are his work. I want to shift my paradigm of thinking. My children are my work."
[This reminded me of the time I heard a husband speak about the important work his wife does..."When I come home from work, it's more important to me that my children have been picked up than that the house is picked up."]
"With a list, I'm more productive, maybe because my head's in the right place. We need a place to be that makes us feel good."
Carrie interjects: I'm the one who said this. But, I meant, "with a list identifying my children's needs for the day (for example: Luke needs: attention, outside time, a responsibility. Pete's needs: a happy environment, attention.) But, making lists is good too. (Since I was about 11, I've made copious lists...and usually never looked at them again.)
"And leaving the cleaning to comfort a child is part of making our home a nice place to be."
"That's why I am home with my kids. I couldn't pass this off to someone else. Would I want someone less educated or less qualified to be taking care of them? No."
"The mother is the child's home."
Carrie interjects, again: Regardless of the quality or quantity of your mothering, that is the burden/privilege you bear.
"There's a reason we have children in our homes. It's not just an accident. I'm their mom. We get help in the area we need."
"I can picture Heavenly Father talking about sending his children to earth and asking, 'How can we get parents to love their children as much as we love them?' I imagine the answer being because our children are a part of us. They share our blood."
Carrie interjects: It was also mentioned the spiritual gifts attending adoptive parents.
"You can't get the minutes back that you push your kids away to 'get things done.' If you partner with your spouse, he can help with the chores that have to be done."
"You are giving yourself to your kids and they know that. It makes a difference."
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A12v0NRwMhI
Micheal McLean, Which Part is Mine
Lorraine included the lyrics to the song in her email to me. I thought they were too long to include here, but if you want them, I can email them to you.
Elder Bednar's talk:
http://www.lds.org/conference/talk/display/0,5232,23-1-1207-15,00.html
"Elder Bednar's talk in conference surprised me because he told us how we can receive revelation, and that's by doing specific things with our children."
http://www.lds.org/conference/talk/display/0,5232,23-1-1207-7,00.html
"Elder Eyring spoke about raising our children to be able to avoid disaster and take the role of rescuers instead of needing to be rescued later. We are our children's rescuers."
"Children are children. My daughter is six. That's why she acts that way. Heavenly Father doesn't expect things of us that are unreasonable. We shouldn't expect it of our kids."
[This reminded me of a teacher in college who told me that for the most part, people in our care or charge want to please us and do what we want. If they don't, it's because they don't know how, or they're not physically/emotionally/mentally capable. So don't be too upset or disappointed. You may be expecting too much.]
"Anything that annoys you about your child is something that you've trained them to do."
"The Lord capitalizes on our goodness, brings out our goodness, magnifies our goodness. I should try to see the good in my children. The Lord doesn't punish me every time I mess up. It shouldn't be so for our children, either."
A specific idea given: Each child gets a magnet board with six magnets, each representing 15 minutes. When they do something that requires a consequence, tell the child to "go take some time off." At the end of the day, each child counts how many magnets/minutes he or she has left, and that's how much later they get to stay up after bedtime.
Carrie interjects one last time: You may interject in the comments! :)
xoxox,
Carrie
Begin Email:
Carrie,
Here are the notes I took. Feel free to post whatever you want from them. I added some links to the talks and songs referenced, so it's a little long. Anything in brackets is what I wrote down during the meeting, but didn't say.
Lorraine
Giving children more opportunities to make decisions and use agency is Christlike. Other attributes mothers need are patience, kindness, healing, feeding. "Maybe I should write down what my children need." The Savior ministers to each of us individually, and our needs are his priority. We can separate our children's wants from needs. Sometimes we get what we want and sometimes we don't, but the Savior still gives us what we need.
[This reminded me of a song by Michael McLean: "All I ever wanted, all I ever dreamed of, everything I've hoped and all the things I've prayed for couldn't hold a candle to what I've been given. I've been given what I need."]
"Isn't it great that we have everything we need to be mothers, and that we are entitled to the Savior's help in our role."
"I'm thinking about what I used to do before kids as "my work." I need to change my point of view. God doesn't just respond when we cry out. He is aware of us and we are his work. I want to shift my paradigm of thinking. My children are my work."
[This reminded me of the time I heard a husband speak about the important work his wife does..."When I come home from work, it's more important to me that my children have been picked up than that the house is picked up."]
"With a list, I'm more productive, maybe because my head's in the right place. We need a place to be that makes us feel good."
Carrie interjects: I'm the one who said this. But, I meant, "with a list identifying my children's needs for the day (for example: Luke needs: attention, outside time, a responsibility. Pete's needs: a happy environment, attention.) But, making lists is good too. (Since I was about 11, I've made copious lists...and usually never looked at them again.)
"And leaving the cleaning to comfort a child is part of making our home a nice place to be."
"That's why I am home with my kids. I couldn't pass this off to someone else. Would I want someone less educated or less qualified to be taking care of them? No."
"The mother is the child's home."
Carrie interjects, again: Regardless of the quality or quantity of your mothering, that is the burden/privilege you bear.
"There's a reason we have children in our homes. It's not just an accident. I'm their mom. We get help in the area we need."
"I can picture Heavenly Father talking about sending his children to earth and asking, 'How can we get parents to love their children as much as we love them?' I imagine the answer being because our children are a part of us. They share our blood."
Carrie interjects: It was also mentioned the spiritual gifts attending adoptive parents.
"You can't get the minutes back that you push your kids away to 'get things done.' If you partner with your spouse, he can help with the chores that have to be done."
"You are giving yourself to your kids and they know that. It makes a difference."
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A12v0NRwMhI
Micheal McLean, Which Part is Mine
Lorraine included the lyrics to the song in her email to me. I thought they were too long to include here, but if you want them, I can email them to you.
Elder Bednar's talk:
http://www.lds.org/conference/talk/display/0,5232,23-1-1207-15,00.html
"Elder Bednar's talk in conference surprised me because he told us how we can receive revelation, and that's by doing specific things with our children."
http://www.lds.org/conference/talk/display/0,5232,23-1-1207-7,00.html
"Elder Eyring spoke about raising our children to be able to avoid disaster and take the role of rescuers instead of needing to be rescued later. We are our children's rescuers."
"Children are children. My daughter is six. That's why she acts that way. Heavenly Father doesn't expect things of us that are unreasonable. We shouldn't expect it of our kids."
[This reminded me of a teacher in college who told me that for the most part, people in our care or charge want to please us and do what we want. If they don't, it's because they don't know how, or they're not physically/emotionally/mentally capable. So don't be too upset or disappointed. You may be expecting too much.]
"Anything that annoys you about your child is something that you've trained them to do."
"The Lord capitalizes on our goodness, brings out our goodness, magnifies our goodness. I should try to see the good in my children. The Lord doesn't punish me every time I mess up. It shouldn't be so for our children, either."
A specific idea given: Each child gets a magnet board with six magnets, each representing 15 minutes. When they do something that requires a consequence, tell the child to "go take some time off." At the end of the day, each child counts how many magnets/minutes he or she has left, and that's how much later they get to stay up after bedtime.
Carrie interjects one last time: You may interject in the comments! :)
Sunday, January 10, 2010
High Fives
Thank you, thank you, thank you, to all of you for contributing to the conversation on how much our children need physical touch on a regular basis. I don't consider myself a super touchy-feely person, but I notice a difference myself when I am the recipient of hugs, kisses, high fives, holding hands, pats on the back, and even the occasional surprise attack and being wrestled to the ground by my kids. So I've been more conscious in my efforts to provide them with physical reassurances of my love.
Some of you know that for quite a while now the focus of my personal scripture study has been reading the Book of Mormon as a parenting guide. This has been a very eye-opening experience for me. Just yesterday I was reading 3 Nephi 11, and because of our recent mothering discussion, these words reached me in a completely different way. The Savior invites the people to come and feel the nail prints for themselves, the evidence of his love for us. He recognizes the importance of physical touch and invites it.
I know this is second nature for some of you, and I want to thank you for your examples to me. You are helping me to learn what it means to be more like Jesus, to trust his words, his ways, and to ultimately help my children want to know and be like him. Motherhood matters.
Wednesday, November 4, 2009
Giving away bread
Here's the link for the site I mentioned last night about giving baked goods to members of the community you want to show appreciation for. Spread the bread.
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